YOUR NEXT LEVEL STARTS HERE.

It’s June and that means it’s Men’s Mental Health Month. Having been a male for 43 years and a grown man for the majority of that, I have some things to say on the topic, lol. From what we think of as what is a healthy, masculine man to what it means to be a man, we’ve gotten a lot of crossed signals over the years and decades that we need to address and try to extinguish some of those things that are holding men back from becoming what we truly are and what we need to become for the good of the planet and humanity.

Let’s start with masculinity, shall we? The mixed signals most men get on what is masculine and what’s not is mind-boggling. It’s no surprise that men in 2025 don’t really have a grasp on the concept because there’s no real concept of masculinity if one truly sits and thinks about it. Like most things concerning the brain, masculinity is on a spectrum on sorts, varying from man to man as to how much or how little a man’s ‘manliness’ can be. Growing up, I viewed masculinity to align with figures that I saw in the media, as do most people. Superman, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, etc. are just some of the male figures that were popular growing up in the 80’s and early 90’s that we our role models for what’s manly. Flash forward to 2016 and the reinvention of masculinity and the hold that it’s had ever since Donald Trump has entered into the presidential side of things. Today, masculinity is broadcasted as a Marlboro Man of sorts…..tall, dark, rugged. Doesn’t take shit from no one, is straight as an arrow and is sexually endowed. Sadly enough, most men do not fit this role due to a lack of height, endowment, etc. What do you do when you don’t fit the stereotype and measure up? Compensate, that’s what. Drive huge cars, date a ton of women, have a lot of money and be socially loved by everyone. It is any wonder we’re confused.

And masculinity is just the tip of the iceberg. The loneliness epidemic is even worse. Men do not make friends easy or if they have them, they lack the crucial parts of really having someone in your life….intelligent & intimate conversations with one another, platonic touching (hugging, etc.) or reach out to each other when something’s wrong. A lot of men view this as being weak, a little ‘fruity’ or the opposite of what men are supposed to be. Personally, I try to be close with my male friends, it’s just my nature and has nothing to do with being gay. I’ve educated myself on the healthy ways men can create lasting friendships and close bonds and what most of us do, I would consider toxic.

Tenderness, touch and being vulnerable with other guys should be just as normal as breathing but a lot of us rail against it. Here’s what I’ve learned from being 100% open with my guy friends: I feel a sense of protection when I’m around them, which for me is a big one. Being only 5’4″ and 165 lbs., having other guy friends who are willing to step in when I need them is very comforting. I’ve also learned that sharing the darkest parts of myself with my other male cohorts is very healing, for me as well as them. I have a friend who has a daughter with Autism. Since I work full-time as a Behaviorist, he’s opened up to me about some of the concerns he has with guiding her with the correct academics, schedules and how to handle himself as well.

These are the types of things guys should be sharing with one another because no man is an island and to get through life, you need to be able to count on those close to you. It doesn’t make you gay, unmanly, or weak to reach out to your man friends because it may be the very thing that could save your life.

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John J. Schessler, Jr. is a Behavioral Interventionist in Mount Pleasant, PA as well as a Personal Trainer near Pittsburgh, PA. He has over 20 years of experience in Fitness, Personal Training, & Special Education. He holds a B.A. in Child & Adolescent Psychology from Southern New Hampshire University and is currently a graduate student at Capella University pursuing his M.Ed. in Higher Education Leadership and Administration. He is available for Motivational Speaking bookings as well as Personal Training inquiries. Please email John at jschessler43@outlook.com